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The Fiercest Women Don’t Talk Dirty—To Themselves

I can’t tell you how many times I have intervened in a conversation, argument or debate to make sure that the person who was close to me wasn’t being disrespected. Whether one of my children, friends or employees, I am a fierce believer that you will not disrespect those that I love “on my watch.” 

I can’t imagine what I would do if a teacher or adult told one of my children, “you’re so stupid.” Or, “you aren’t worth it so why even bother.”

I would lose my mind if someone said to a friend, “nobody wants to hear what you have to say,” or “you aren’t good enough.”

Remember the scene from Waiting to Exhale where Angela Bassett lit her husband’s clothes on fire?  She. Shut. It. Down. That’s what you should expect if you enter my “circle of influence” with such negativity.

But, I know I’m not alone in my sentiment. Chances are, you’re the same way. “Ride or die” for your loved ones.

So my next question is why aren’t you “ride or die” for yourself? No, I’m serious.

I want you to consider what would happen if I put a recorder in your mind and listened to what you said to yourself day in and day out.

Would I be blown away by the positive, empowering, inspiring, encouraging, motivational, uplifting, and affirming thoughts you have?  

Or, would I be shocked by the negative, demotivating, low-energy, limiting, small, pessimistic, and detrimental thoughts that are frequently crossing your mind?

In other words, how would you feel if others spoke to your loved ones the way that you speak to yourself?

Here’s what you need to know. You will never achieve the level of success you are capable of without taming that inner self-talk—and strategically elevating it.

The Fiercest Women speak to themselves with love. They are gentle with themselves. They don’t assume the worst or beat themselves up when things don’t go their way.

It’s time to eliminate the dirty talk and here are three ideas to get you started:

1.     Internal Dialogue Audit: I want you to spend one week recording your thoughts. Pay attention to what your default mode is. Is it typically positive? Keep a small journal and set your phone to remind yourself several time a day to stop and jot down what your thoughts are. You need to establish a baseline. You can also open up the recorder on your phone and record a few thoughts several times a day. What do you say to yourself when you are presented with a new opportunity that you don’t feel 100% prepared? What are your first thoughts when you wake up? What is going through your mind when you go to bed?

2.     Reprogram your Thinking: I discovered this YouTube video about a year ago and I have become utterly obsessed. I listen to it every morning as part of my daily morning regime. It is called 101 Success Affirmations by David McGraw.   It is an insanely positive way to start the day and begin the process of reframing the way you speak to yourself.

3.     Affirmations: Now that you have listened to David’s affirmations, it’s time to develop your own. Write 2-3 affirmations that remind you of who you are and what you are capable of.  Post them everywhere. Nightstand. Computer. In your car. On your Smartphone. The goal is to reinforce those thoughts on a subliminal level.

4.     Read: What You Say When You Talk to Yourself by Dr. Shad Helmstetter. This book will help you begin to rewire your internal dialogue and provides fantastic exercises that are easily implementable.

5.     Make the decision that you will “Ride or Die” for yourself: Make the commitment to yourself that you will do whatever it takes to treat yourself the way you treat everyone else you love—or even better.

Jennifer Ransaw Smith is the Founder of The Personal Elevation Lab™, a division of Brand id | Strategic Partners, a full-service Personal Branding + Elevation Agency. The Personal Elevation Lab™ focuses exclusively on elevating the visibility, credibility, influence and impact of women executives and entrepreneurs: http://www.personalelevation.com. If you are ready to Boost Your Status, sign up for our 30-Day Game Changing Program here.